By Joshua Knopp/special assignments editor
Photo courtesy Summit Entertainment
The Twilight Saga, the critically dispensed-with series that is in the media more for the stupidity of its popularity than anything, is finally at an end.
Picking up from where Breaking Dawn — Part 1 left off with Bella’s daughter born and Bella herself converted into a vampire, Breaking Dawn — Part 2 explores the non-conflict that arises between the super-sparkly good-guy Cullen coven and the sadistic, policing Volturi coven. The Volturis think that a law has been broken, but it hasn’t, but they want to pretend one has been broken so they can kill the Cullen clan anyway because …
Here’s the first problem: When the real payoff of the film is looking at pretty actors and happy couples, a political/mafia intrigue plot doesn’t really work.
Look, at this point, everyone who pays attention knows what the series is about. Jakob (Taylor Lautner) takes off his shirt, and people are happy. Edward (Robert Pattinson) says something vaguely romantic, and people are happy. That’s it. That’s the payoff.
Once that’s understood, the pulp quality of the film is easier to come to terms with. If all filmmakers have to do is make an actor strip, they’re not going to put effort into anything else.
And they don’t. The dialogue is as weak as ever. The dialogue hollows out whatever acting effort there was, and the acting is made even weaker by direction that seems concerned with getting as much cutesy, coupley shots as possible. The completely inconsistent tone means audiences aren’t really told which dangers to take seriously and which to ignore.
The film’s pacing adds a final insult to the audience. Where Part 1 tore muscles stretching to its 117-minute run time, Part 2 is crushed into a fine powder at 116 minutes. Breaking Dawn could very easily have been one movie. The franchise’s cash-grab nature has never been more apparent.
But none of that matters, the producers cry. Taylor Lautner shirtless! Give us money!
Or, if he’s really that pretty, find him on the Internet. There’s really nothing Breaking Dawn — Part 2 provides that Google images can’t.
