By Kirsten Mahon/tr news editor
By now, the average viewer should learn to expect the cheesy lines, clichés and a plethora of unnecessary fighting scenes with no blood, no cursing and bad sex references/scenes in an average PG-13 film.
And the film G.I. Joe: Retaliation was very average. Expect nothing more than sub-par and possibly a little less. This flick is just another from the collection of subpar action films Hollywood pumps out every year.
Small details are consistently skipped over so the audience can enjoy longer but unfortunately needless fight scenes. Bruce Willis stars, but his appearance is a half-baked cameo that lasts just longer than the average cameo.
The audience can leave believing someone who captures the bad guy after he destroys an entire city killing millions of people (not a city in the U.S., of course) can still receive honorable recognition, a pistol and a pat on the back. Also, apparently, it’s respectable to have no motives other than greed and power to want to kill a lot of people at once, especially when wearing a ridiculous black suit lined in red that dangerously dares to imitate Darth Vader.
Here’s a thought: Don’t imitate Darth Vader in a crappy, run-of-the-mill action film. Most certainly, don’t do it under the name of anyone’s childhood hero. Granted, original G.I. Joe fans probably stopped watching the films shortly after the first one was made, but it’s still a disgrace.
The twist is half-hearted, and anyone with some wit attending the show will figure out the plot and its ending within the first half-hour. There’s nothing special here.
This movie has a small chance to redeem itself in before the fight scenes completely waste the money and time of viewers. Every fight scene seems to have a different theme that is either fun to watch or slightly breathtaking.
Using a small slice of intelligence, represented by Lady Jaye (Adrianne Palicki), who has a cliché backstory (she only joined the military to prove her father wrong) and a name Gen. Joseph Colton (Bruce Willis) can’t seem to remember, the gang manages to figure out what Cobra Commander (Luke Bracey) is up to.
Cobra Commander turns on one of his own, once again building up to an easily guessed plotline where a bad guy turns good in the end with another cliché backstory (he’d already been sold out once before by the group of obviously wonderful people he hangs out with).
There’s no surprise. There’s no oddity or interesting facts unveiled. There’s no substance — this is just a glorified action film that’s been redone about 113 times in the past. This would have been brilliant in 1969, when a sword fight on the side of a mountain was nearly impossible to create.
But now, don’t have high expectations for this film.
Final take: This film was a terrible cliché-snowball, but the fighting scenes can be fun, and there is one funny part.
Those who would enjoy it: People who talk in movie theaters and don’t pay attention during the film.
