by Micah McNully
reporter

   Building healthy relationships is important in every single person’s life, a SE Campus counselor said last week.
   Mike Eason presented “Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships” Feb. 1 as part of the SE Campus College Success Seminars.
   “ If you grew up in a family in which there was constant chaos, fighting, conflict, etcetera, you might have a tendency to recreate the same environment in your own relationships/marriages,” he said. “To you, that is normal.”
   At the beginning of the speech, Eason asked the attendees to write down the name of a person who was most important to them at the moment.
   Eason explained that the name of the person written on that sheet of paper had the biggest impact in altering relationships and even affecting personality. Because this is the case, unhealthy relationships can be destructive.
   “ Relationships have an impact on who you are and what you do,” he said.
   As an example of this, Eason described a man talking at the dinner table. When his glass was empty, he would raise it in the air with one hand and rattle the ice. His wife would stop what she was doing and get him some more tea and then resume her eating.
   The man was used to being waited on by his mother, sister or some other woman, so he brought that attitude to his marriage.
   Relationships can also lead to lack of trust between people, Eason said. If both of the partners in a marriage have cheated on their previous spouses, it is hard for the two of them to trust each other.
   Eason distributed a handout that included a list of codependent defense mechanisms, such as perfectionist, martyr, people pleaser and caretaker. The handout also included a codependency quiz.
   Another page of the packet listed characteristics of a productive intimate relationship.
   According to the handout, each person in a relationship has a separate identity—each can give and receive without losing separateness or each can talk openly about matters of significance.
   Other pages were included to help with relationship issues. “Red Flags in Relationships” presented signs to watch for when examining friendships, such as partners’ acting jealous or possessive, constantly checking up on their partners or sometimes threatening their partners.
   “ Unhealthy Relationships” described non-intimate signs, such as feeling weak or insecure around a partner or dealing with feelings when that person breaks a friend’s trust.
   Eason reminded the audience that TCC offers free counseling on all four campuses.