As I sit and watch my boyfriend prepare wet food for his Yorkie with such patience, I quietly mourn the children we will never have.
I can see it so clearly: a little girl with curly hair like her mom running around the island of the kitchen while her dad holds a baby boy who has beautiful brown eyes like him. They laugh and sing old Billie Holiday songs while cooking dinner.
But I cannot fathom the idea of bringing a precious soul into this sick and twisted world.
We live in a world where poverty is on the rise and world leaders would rather start a war than have a civil discussion. A war that the common man must fight and ultimately die for. A world where women’s rights are constantly up for debate, people are kidnapped and put into camps for the color of their skin and where pedophiles can be president.
So why would I want to bring a child into this world?
Antinatalism is a philosophy that states having children is immoral.
Some people assume antinatalists hate children, but in most cases, it’s quite the opposite. Most are driven by their empathy for kids and the wish to see them unharmed. Many believe that in a way, not having kids is the most loving and compassionate thing you can do for a child.
I’ve been working with kids my whole life. I’m the oldest sibling in my family and the go-to babysitter for my little cousins. I’ve been a swim instructor since I was 17, and during my gap year after high school, I was a pre-K teacher’s assistant in a special needs classroom.
I’ve worked with kids whose families have three vacation homes, and I’ve worked with children whose only meals would come from the school cafeteria. And in every single child, I see a beautiful soul worthy of love.
But I’ve also seen children ripped away from their families for being deemed “illegal.” I’ve seen videos of the children in Gaza screaming for help and bleeding out. And those kids are just as worthy of love.
No matter how hard you try, the only thing a parent can guarantee is that you will love them no matter what, and you will do anything you can to protect them. But what good is that when they have a gun to their head while sitting in their kindergarten classroom in a country that would rather restrict education than guns?
Both my parents dropped out of high school, and my mother had me two weeks after she turned 19.
My brother was born a year later, and my sister came along five years after. My mother was a stay-at-home mom for nearly 15 years while my dad worked.
Growing up as a lower-middle-class family, we struggled a lot, but through it all, my parents prioritized family. That was the core of how we survived. My parents love us with everything they have. There is no doubt about that.
So, when having a conversation with my mom about my decision to not have children, I was worried she would be upset and try to talk me out of it, but to my surprise, she quickly understood.
“I get it,” she said. “If I had known that the world would’ve ended up like this, I wouldn’t have had children myself.”
Now this doesn’t mean I have completely given up on motherhood. If I’m somehow lucky enough one day to own a house, have good health insurance and make enough money to comfortably support another human being, then I will adopt a child.
I would much rather help someone that is already born and forced to live in this cruel world than create a baby who will suffer the same fate.
