About two cell phones ago, I decided to stop crying over the tiny machines and start laughing. I figure that’s the only way I can beat the little monsters.
For the longest time, I had a good relationship with my phone. I suppose I could be called a little abusive after I dropped it 500 times, but my cell phone took the scratches and dings with grace.
But the 501st time was just too much.
Its first prank was handstands. The entire screen turned upside down. To write a text message, I had to type my message, turn the phone upside down to spell check, and then send it. After two weeks of that nonsense, I got the phone replaced.
The second phone worked well. That is until it failed beauty school. It got covered in nail polish remover and then was washed in the jeans pocket.
While that phone dried out, I bought a $14 phone that was an escape artist. Too bad it landed in the sink within a week. It had so much water inside, I could create a tidal wave across the screen.
I gave the first washed phone another try, and it pulled the dog-chasing-its-tail routine on me. The only navigation button that worked was the down scroll button, so I had to scroll through my entire menu to send a text instead of just pushing up once. But all three of the buttons I can use to select were not functioning, so back to the store for a new cheap phone.
Phone No. 4 had heard stories about me and tried to run. Rather than the water option, it preferred cave exploring. It escaped out of my hand and into the crack between my boyfriend’s entryway and his house. It came to rest under the foundation, in sight but out of reach, laughing at its cleverness. One hour, four bangs to the head, multiple scratches, three pairs of tongs and one coat hanger later, we finally got it out.
A side note, my relationship with my boyfriend is much better than my relationship with phones. Without his ingeniousness and tenacity, my phone would still be laughing at me from six inches under.
In protest, my phone now refuses to receive texts from my boyfriend. I can text him, but he cannot respond.
All in all, I have decided not to wait till years down the road to laugh at my misfortune. With all the headache my phone is giving me, I need the laugh today.
