by Ashley Wood/reporter
Surviving Hurt: How to Forgive When You Can’t Forget
Anger, resentment and sadness are all signs of hurt and letting that hurt go is forgiveness, but that doesn’t mean to forget the actions that led to that pain, a NW speech instructor told students.
Jordan Hamon shared her own story of forgiveness.
“My belief is that forgiveness is a continual choice,” she said. “It is realizing not to hold that person indebted to you for their decisions.”
Sometimes the emotions won’t match the decision to let go of the hurt and forgive, Hamon said.
Pastor Tim Galligan from Trinity Presbyterian Church in Southlake related the aching in the heart to the aching of working out the same muscle for a prolonged time. It starts out fine, he said, but eventually feels heavy and hurting.
“Forgiving is necessarily forgetting, but it isn’t excusing the behavior either,” he said.
The more pain a person is feeling, the more that person wants to lash out at others, Galligan said. It is a cycle that continually goes around without end.
“When someone forgives, it breaks the cycle of resentment,” he said.
When people start to see how much they have been forgiven for the hurt and things they have caused, it is then easier to see that not everyone is perfect and forgiveness should be granted, Galligan said.
NW counselor Lisa Allison explained the steps of forgiveness.
“Forgiving is letting go the need for revenge and releasing negative thoughts,” she said.
Forgiving is not reconciliation, pretending it didn’t happen or even excusing the incident, Allison said. It is first realizing the exact event that hurt and acknowledging the inner pain.
“See it from that person’s point of view,” she said. “Take your anger and turn it into compassion.”
Allison said people should commit to forgiving that person by writing about it, telling a friend or talking to that person that wronged them.
“Finally, hold onto that forgiveness,” she said. “Even when memories arise, remember that you made the choice to forgive.”
The process will be ongoing, but it helps reduce stress and anxiety and promotes self-esteem, Allison said.
“Forgiveness is the power to choose whether to carry on with the pain or let go and move on,” she said.
