By Isaiah Smith/entertainment editor

Three words describe self-proclaimed Glam-rapper Mickey Avalon’s style: blasphemous, crude and catchy.

“ Who that dude sleeping wit’ your girlfriend, yeah nude and rude in yo’ bed; same dude that your sister liked—Mickey Avalon, call me Mr. Right.”

That is the chorus to “Mr. Right,” one of the tracks on Avalon’s self-titled new album.

Born and raised in L.A., Avalon is a shining example of what growing up without morals will do to a person.

Self-proclaimed “best piece of a** in the whole d**n city,” this dude needs professional help and prayer.

No single exists on this album. Any song released would need such heavy censoring all meaning would be lost.

Listening to the lyrics in Avalon’s “glam rap,” as he calls it, one quickly realizes something is wrong with this man. “Look- ing out the window I can’t help but wonder, that God must be one sick m*****f*****,” Avalon raps on the track “Waiting to Die.” “So I bust a nut in the sky, spend another day waiting to die.”

The way Avalon is living, he might not need to wait long.

According to his lyrics, he once worked on a pornographic webcam site, which led into a crack addiction.

“ So Rich, So Pretty” is the best chance he has for a single; it will still need to be heavily edited though. Avalon is looking for a few things in a girl.

All he wants is a bulimic who wears caked on make-up with a cocaine addiction—is that really so much to ask?

“ My D***,” which features Dirt Nasty and Andre Legacy, is one of the only tracks I liked, and I did not even like that one much.

The trio of rappers trade rhythmic insults at each other’s genitalia while talking up their own.

Maybe modern music is hopeless after all … or it could just be this guy.

It is a shame Avalon could not get his mind off his groin long enough to rap some good music because his beats are bumping and his songs are catchy.

Unfortunately, lyrics are everything in rap, and I cannot get past all of the sexual content and foul language.

“ Dipped in Vaseline” has great music. It would be a great single if it were instrumental, but it is full of horrible lyrics about hustling gay dudes for Quaaludes.

That would not play well on the top 40 list.

Realistically, the best single would be “Romeo and Juliet.”

With some light editing, this would make a great radio cut.

I reiterate, though, there is no single on this CD; Avalon needs to hit the studio again after hitting a church for awhile.

This album has a very … select … audience.

Only people who have whored themselves out for crack money will ever really understand the full depth of his lyrics.

Mickey Avalon is a terrible album. I give it one star only because I cannot give it zero.

Do not buy this album, listen to this album or think about it … ever, trust me.