By Tori Loudenback/reporter
Forgiveness is easy to say but hard to do, a NW counselor said while explaining the process of forgiving and forgetting during a Feb. 8 presentation.
As a counselor, Lisa Allison works with students to help them come to terms with their past and move forward. People tend to act differently when faced with the thought of letting go, she said. Some learn to move on and forgive those who have wronged them. Others hold grudges, Allison said. Being stuck in thoughts of the past can lead to never fully living in the present day.
“Forgiveness is a choice,” she said.
The process of forgiving is not one that is always easy when one considers what forgiving is not. Forgiveness is not pretending the offense did not happen or excusing the wrong behavior, Allison said. It is not feasible to allow the hurtful behavior to continue. A person should confront the party who has created the issue, and the two should come together to solve the problem, she said. This will lead to a better understanding that should bring the issue to an end.
“Forgiveness is a process that involves action,” she said.
Allison said the Reach method is used as a step-by-step guide to slowly make the person feel comfortable with the idea of forgiveness. That method, for example, begins with empathy, which is trying to understand the point of view of the person who is to blame. Writing a kind note to sort out inner feelings or recalling the event and putting it to rest are all techniques used in the process of forgiveness.
“Holding a grudge can become stressful,” she said. “Forgiveness can reduce anxiety and depression.”
Letting go of negative thoughts and the need for revenge can, in turn, promote a positive attitude, Allison said. Memories can fade, and the incident will be less harmful as one learns to let go.
“Forgiveness can increase your self-esteem and self-confidence,” she said. “It’s not about the other person. It is about you.”
Life is a learning experience, and the many people one meets may not be perfect individuals, Allison said.
