By Mark Bauer/editor-in-chief
Taking care of little children is something I would consider a skill. Not only is it a skill, but it happens to be one that I think I possess (keyword there is think). I believe this to be true so much that I could probably include it on job applications or the about me on my Facebook or Myspace, or maybe even an Internet dating site.
What quality does a woman look for in a man?
Probably a diaper-changing-quality. Yes, that’s right—drink it in, ladies. If it’s stinky and smelly, I probably dealt it.
Er, dealt with it.
You tend to forget how difficult babysitting can be until you come out of retirement to do it as I did recently to watch my niece.
Many moons have passed since the last time I put any of my young siblings to bed. This task can be a difficult one—especially when they have legs and can waddle down a hallway at a stealthy 1.2 miles per hour.
For starters, my niece just recently became potty trained … a fact she declared many times throughout the evening. But despite the cause-and-effect relationship between drinks and trips to the bathroom, she was juicin’ as if the World Series depended on it.
How much liquid can a little girl not much bigger than a watermelon hold?
While my niece made amends with her kidney, her younger brother was making playful noises in his playpen (which, by the way, isn’t so much a playpen as it is a babysitting cage).
But he eventually got disgruntled, from what I could only assume was a dirty diaper, and began terrorizing the cat by launching a nuclear attack of wooden blocks.
So I put the cat in the cage, and the kid on the floor. But before I could go check on my niece to make sure she wasn’t swimming in the toilet, I saw a naked little butt attached to bouncing brown hair bounding down the hallway. Apparently, she finished.
Eventually, I tamed them and they fell asleep before my sister and her husband got home. I think that’s the ultimate gauge of a successful babysitting evening—regardless of how messy the house turned out.
Unfortunately, I told my sister babysitting was no problem and to call me whenever they needed me. Oh joy … but it still looks good on a resume. Right?
